it's words!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

sundown, you better take care

I will never be as good at anything as Evan Royster is at running with a football in his hands. Humbling thought.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

a pirate's life for

This morning I woke up next to (SCANDAL?!?!!) a small triangular chunk of what used to be my ceiling. (Aw man.)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

coming back from some mill in wisconsin

I'm pretty sure the crowd was just chanting "Let's get wasted!" Can't blame 'em. How many total things can Daryll Clark and Anthony Morelli possibly have in common? I can only think of two - species and school.

Friday, October 10, 2008

nothing comes for free

Hey, Philadelphia, can I interest you in some $2.89 gasoline?

"Hey, Zac, can we interest you in a kickass playoff series?"


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

ambition makes you look pretty ugly

A Beginner's Guide to Minnesota
Part 1 of X

* On the Language of the Native Minnesotan:

The first thing to know about Minnesotans is how to call them Minnesotans. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PRONOUNCE THE "T." But don't just make it a "d," either. "Minneso-ns" is the only correct pronunciation. (Not sure how to deal with that "n"? You're doing it right if you feel it in the back of your throat a little bit, which is what she said.) This rule is observed fastidiously by newscasters and politicians who fear that their credibility will be destroyed by over-enunciating. Maddeningly, strict enunciation of the letter "t" is the true Minnesotan's guiding rule for every single word other than "Minnesotan."

Pronunciation of geographic names in Minnesota is governed by a simple rule: if there is a reasonable degree of doubt about the way the name can be pronounced, you, the foreigner, will select the incorrect pronunciation. (This is in contrast to a straightforward state such as, for example, Texas, where Nacogdoches is the only city you could possibly screw up.) You can use the following examples to help you on the path, but you'll forget everything the instant you need it.

Edina: ee DY na

Shakopee: SHOCK a pee

Nicollet: NICK lit

Wayzata: why ZET uh

Also, it's "pop," not soda, and when you order a mixed drink with cheap liquor at the bar, it's not a well drink, it's a "rail drink."

* On the Diversity of the Local Populace

The Twin Cities are known primarily for Scandinavian heritage, the influence of which is still strong, but two major immigrant populations today are in the ascendant: Somalis and Hmong.

Somalis are present in large-enough numbers that city signs are often presented in both English and the fascinating Somali language, which boasts a liberal use of vowels. For example, NO SMOKING appears to translate as "SIGAAR LAGUMA CABI KARO GOOBTAAN." The Somali influence is most apparent in the Cedar-Riverside area of Minneapolis, by the West Bank of the Mississippi, an area affectionately known as "Little Mogadishu."

Hmong is pronounced "mung," which has resulted in at least one awkward conversation in which your chronicler was, thankfully, only peripherally involved.

The Twin Cities feature widespread religious diversity, too. Judaism was a mere theory before I moved to Ithaca (whereupon my reaction was as follows: "Wow! Jews!"); in the same way, I was not acquainted with anything more than the idea of the Latter-day Saints and their church before coming to Minneapolis. ("Wow! Mormons!" Three, at last count. Really great folks.)

* On the Weather

It's like 60 degrees outside. No problem there!